In today’s sermon, I hope to address the correct answer to the age-old question, “Honey, do I look fat in this dress?”
When my grandparents came to America 105 years ago, the life expectancy in this country was 47 years. People died because of pneumonia, influenza, TB, gastrointestinal infections (dysentery) and heart disease. This was soon after Louis Pasteur and Joseph Lister made us aware of germs and the field of infectious disease was in its infancy, and certainly before antibiotics were discovered. One hundred years ago, we were just beginning to understand why people got sick and why they died.
Take it back a few thousand years to Biblical times, and things were really in the dark in terms of illness. There were physicians in ancient Egypt, perhaps the most prominent of whom was Imhotep, who lived approximately 2600 BCE. (The full list of his titles is: Chancellor of the King of Egypt, Doctor, First in line after the King of Upper Egypt, Administrator of the Great Palace, Hereditary nobleman, High Priest of Heliopolis, Builder, Chief Carpenter, Chief Sculptor, and Maker of Vases in Chief. As a potter myself, the last title really impresses me!) He was one of only a few commoners ever to be accorded divine status after death, and perhaps he was the first and certainly not the last physician to think he was god!
Compared to what we know now about Medicine, doctors in Biblical times were just starting to develop a concept of disease causality. People were thought to get sick because of demons and spirits which inhabited them, and it was a time of superstition and spirits and omens, and lucky charms and talismans. Not like today, where people are not at all superstitious, except we still put hamsas up in our homes and say “kenahora, pu pu pu” to ward off the evil eye, and say “gesundheit” after someone sneezes. (For the most part, the various sneeze responses originated from ancient superstitions. Some people believed that a sneeze causes the soul to escape the body through the nose. Saying “bless you” would stop the devil from claiming the person’s freed soul. Others believed the opposite: that evil spirits use the sneeze as an opportunity to enter a person’s body. There was also the misconception that the heart momentarily stops during a sneeze (it doesn’t), and that saying “bless you” was a way of welcoming the person back to life.)
Treatments that were available in biblical times included – herbs, prayer, oils, baths and compresses, wine, diet, isolation, and parts of animals (such as shells, bones, urine, blood, milk, hair), all of which are mentioned in the bible.
With this background in mind, we can think about this week’s torah portion. It deals with issues of leprosy, menstrual discharges, semen, rashes, and what to do about it and who to call and how to purify yourself and your home physically and spiritually. The disease that is called ‘leprosy’ in this torah portion is a translation of ‘tzara’at,’ and has nothing in common with the contagious skin disease leprosy as we know it today. Some interpretations of the torah portion consider tzara’at to be a spiritual-based disease. It was considered punishment for speaking badly (Loshon Hara). When a person would gossip about his contemporaries, and assorted other social illnesses such as stinginess and conceitedness, he would one day find a green or red blotch spreading on his body or on the wall of his house. He had to call the Kohen to proclaim it clean or unclean.
What is speaking badly, that would bring on these spiritual blemishes? It is saying anything negative or derogatory about another person ― even when it’s true!
Little children speak the truth, but this can certainly be hurtful, as in “Mommy, that man is fat and smells bad.”
Teenagers have honed their tongues into daggers, and are experts in using language as a weapon, by preying upon our inconsistencies or insecurities.
As adults, we expect more and better from our speech. After all, we can’t take words back, once they are spoken. Think of the metaphor of a bag of seeds. When we speak badly of others, we are casting the seeds about. Even if we apologize and feel remorseful, it’s impossible to collect the seeds again because they were cast widely, and some seeds might even have taken root.
Here is a brief overview of some of the laws of speech and behavior, compiled approximately 100 years ago:
1) You may not call a person by a derogatory nickname, or by any other embarrassing name, even if he is used to it.
2) You may not ask an uneducated person for an opinion on a scholarly matter (that would draw attention to his lack of knowledge or education).
3) You may not ask a merchant how much he would sell something for if you have no intention of buying.
4) You may not refer someone to another person for assistance when you know the other person cannot help (in other words, it’s a violation of Jewish law to give someone the run-around!).
5) You may not deceive a person, even if no harm is done by the deception; for example, you may not sell non-kosher meat to a non-Jew telling him that it is kosher, even though no harm is done to the non-Jew by this deception.
6) You may not sell a person damaged goods without identifying the damage, even if the price you give is fair for the goods in their damaged condition.
7) You may not offer a person a gift or invite a person to dinner if you know that the person will not accept.
8) You may not compliment a person if you do not mean it.
9) It is forbidden to speak negatively about someone else, even if it is true.
10) It is also forbidden to repeat anything about another, even if it is not a negative thing.
11) It is also forbidden to listen to lashon hara. One should either reprimand the speaker, or, if that is not possible, one should extricate oneself from that situation.
12) In certain circumstances, such as to protect someone from harm, it is permissible or even obligatory to share negative information. As there are many details to this law, one should consult a competent rabbi to learn what may be shared in any particular situation. So the answer to the question, “Honey, do you think I look fat in this dress?” is … “Go ask the rabbi!”
In my family when I was growing up, we distilled these many laws of speech into two simple phrases. I repeatedly heard the refrain, “If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” If someone was really unpleasant and distasteful, Mom would merely say, “She’s not my favorite person.” No need for character assassination.
The other phrase used around my household was handed down from my grandparents, and addressed the issue of cutting off someone when they began to speak badly of someone else. When Grandpa started to bad-mouth someone or was indiscreet, Grandma would interject, “Dear, have a piece of candy.” It was their cut-off phrase that enough had already been said. It was a kinder, gentler version of Archie Bunker’s famous phrase…”Edith, Stifle!”
Let us try for the next year, or week, or tomorrow, or just for the oneg tonight to follow these simple rules. If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all. And when someone else begins to speak ill of others, offer them a piece of candy. In the coming week, let’s all strive to communicate kindly, and banish spiritual leprosy from our lives!